This is what happens when...

... a very near and dear friend calls you to tell you that she did something out of the ordinary. Like, she joined a dating site and she's super shy and doesn't know what to do with this one response she got.

Trust me, this one is for the record books.

He's twice her age with kids. He obviously copy-pasted the message he sent her from a file and dropped in some details of what he read. He lives on the side of a mountain. He's got kids, three of them. HE COULD LEGALLY DRINK BY TODAY'S STANDARDS AROUND THE TIME SHE WAS BORN. Oh, yes, and "Holy axe murderers, Batman!", he lives on the side of a secluded freakin' mountain in the middle of nowhere freaking Virginia.

Rapist much?

So anyway, this, this right here? This is the series of faces I made when she told me the story. Enjoy!

The end.